Managing Sick Day Guilt

Aug 31

Mug with spoon, box of tissues, dirty tissues, pair of glasses. Sick day guilt, Sarah Bryski-Hamrick, LPC. Anti-capitalist therapist

7 minute read.

Feeling Guilty for Calling Out Sick?

Boss Making You Feel Guilty for Calling in Sick?

We’ve all been there. A scratchy throat that worsens throughout the day. A dull ache in that slowly peaks to a migraine. Gastrointestinal issues that can’t seem to settle. Your chronic illness heading towards yet another flare up.

But all you are able to think is, “Shit, now I have to call out of work.“

You muster up the energy to send the email, text or make the phone call, but only after consulting with your partner, two friends, google and a tarot deck.

As soon as you make the move, you feel a pang of fear. Fear that you’ll receive a negative or worse, reactive response from your boss. Fear that you’ll be made to feel guilty, and that a day meant for rest will now be plagued with distress.

Your boss may threaten or chastise you. Maybe you’re accused of letting down your peers, or even customers. If you are in healthcare like myself, you might hear “you’re letting the patients down”.

Every now and then, you’ll get the “Feel better soon!“ of which the subtext reads “my patience is limited, you have one day.“

You want to hear, “Ok, take all the time you need. Let me know when you are able to come back safely.“ But this response simply cannot exist within capitalism, at least not authentically.

Why Do I Feel Guilty Taking Time Off Work

Let’s pause for a moment and note how devastating this is. That on top of managing illness, physical discomfort and pain, you are put in a position where you are preoccupied with how the person in charge of your employment will receive your sick day notice.

You feel guilty taking time off work because you are made to feel guilty for taking time off work.

“Am I sick enough?“

Everyone’s catalyst is different, but your ideas about work can be shaped by your current boss, former bosses or even how work was spoken about by your caregivers while growing up.

Somewhere along the way, you picked up the message that your sacrifices are what keeps your job afloat.

They are not.

Exploitation is what keeps your job afloat. Guilting employees into working themselves through and into illness are what keeps your job afloat.

But Didn’t COVID-19 Change Things?

One of my favorite books this year, Health Communism, reminds us that “health“ is a concept used to measure your contribution and value under capitalism. Ever hear “high functioning [insert illness here]“? Same thing. The severity of your diagnosis dictates how much you can be exploited.

Many had hoped for a collective consciousness raising regarding illness with the start of the pandemic in 2020. These were mostly non-disabled people, or folks who had little exposure to our healthcare system.

On the contrary, the pandemic actually tightened the grip that bosses, managers and business owners have on the bodies of workers. With increased surveillance and extraction, we are less empowered than before.

Over 1,000,000 Americans have died from COVID-19. Thousands are suffering or have suffered from long COVID. Hundreds of thousands are now disabled.

Millions of lives are forever altered by the horrors of the ongoing pandemic.

Still, nothing has changed in the way our work culture regards illness, rest and time off.

I say this all as a reminder that we do not live in a culture that is friendly to workers. Sure, Hot Labor Summer has been exciting. But it is a product of what we have been having to tolerate for decades. Just like the 40 hour work week, workers are having to fight for a better quality of workplace.

Similar to this, experiencing sick day guilt is a product of our culture’s relationship with labor.

Let’s talk about managing sick day guilt.

book a free call now

How to manage sick day guilt.

Name your feelings.

Be curious about them, rather than judging them. Similar to a thermometer, feelings are a measurement tool. A feeling is an indicator of how a situation is landing for you.

In noticing sick day guilt, you can begin to work through the core cause of the emotions you identify.

Obviously calling out sick is the initial cause of your guilt. Go deeper. What about missing work causes you to feel this way? Why does time off for illness lead to guilt? How did you get here? Again, with curiosity. We are all victims of this environment.

As a worker, you sell your labor in order to meet your housing, food, security and leisure needs. Nowhere in that exchange is it implied that you are supposed to cause yourself harm to keep the job.

You are not supposed to pledge physical, emotional and spiritual fealty to the job. It is just a job.

Man holding face with one hand with eyes closed, blurred background. Sarah Bryski-Hamrick, LPC. Anti-capitalist therapist

Shift the blame.

Most of us are used to working in understaffed conditions, holding responsibilities meant for multiple workers at a time. Typically, we end up internalizing all that responsibility.

Simply put, it is not your fault that your job is understaffed. The problem is always internal.

A person being out sick, on vacation or on leave should not send your workplace into chaos. That is the fault of management and owners. If they are unable to keep staff, it is because they are not paying enough or treating their workers well.

It’s not “no one wants to work“ it’s “bosses don’t want to pay a living wage.“

If you work for a small business owner, you may feel this pressure more intensely. Often described in US media as the backbone of America and job creators, small business owners notoriously steal wages from workers while demanding excess time and energy.

“You have a right to safe working conditions, overtime pay, protection from discrimination.”

These “small business tyrants” are accurately defined by urbandictionary.com as “anyone who owns a small business and profits from the stolen surplus value generated by their workers. Often self-identify as "job creators" but they're actually parasites.”

Employees of small business owners are often underpaid and overworked. Workers may even report abusive conditions.

While casting blame may feel counterproductive, within a power dynamic, it is extremely important to be aware of the vulnerable position you are in as a worker.

Remember that you are not taking home the salary of a boss, you are only selling your labor to one.

This is a helpful reminder when we begin to experience guilt over needing time off.

Request a consultation.

Don’t forget: your benefits are part of your compensation.

While benefits vary across workplaces, one universal truth is that your benefits are built into your job, just like your salary is. When you are hired, you are offered a salary which you then negotiate and/or accept.

The benefits that come with a job offer are not negotiable, and your boss is not supposed to keep you from using them. Know your rights, and fight back if you are being taken advantage of.

Now, what if you work at an extremely exploitative job, like in the service industry or for the aforementioned small business tyrant, jobs that rarely offer benefits? Despite what you may have heard, you still have rights. Safe working conditions, overtime pay, protection from discrimination - you have a right to these.

What if the conditions at your job truly are not safe? I worked in the service industry for 10 years. Because of lack of paid sick leave and constant exposure to people, I would come down with some type of respiratory infection about every 3 months. I often wouldn’t fully recover because I needed to work and I felt pressure from management, keeping me sick with low energy.

These are real material conditions. But stress around our health and finances cannot and should not be worsened by guilt over calling out sick. If your workplace creates these conditions, they are certainly not owed an ounce of your grief.

Sign hanging in window in blue and red text "SORRY WE'RE CLOSED" Sarah Bryski-Hamrick, LPC. Sick day guilt. Anti-capitalist therapist

Guilt is not the same as fear.

Feeling guilty about calling out sick is not the same as fearing you will be fired for taking time off. Workers everywhere everyday are under threat of losing their job security because they need time off.

They feel fear about losing their job due to actual evidence of that possible outcome. Maybe they witnessed coworkers being fired. Maybe they’ve received indirect or direct threats from management. Income insecurity can quickly bring about housing and food insecurity.

Many US workers are one health crisis or pay check away from being unhoused. That is a real, serious truth.

This is another reminder to know your rights at work. Here in Pennsylvania, workers can be terminated “at-will”, meaning that employers can end your employment at any time. However, workers are protected from retaliation, discrimination or violation of public policy.

If you live with very real fear that you could be fired for calling on sick, that is a different story.

If these are not the conditions you are working under, that is worth noting.

request a call now

Guilt Over Not Working ≠ Guilt Over Missing Pay

Don’t confuse sick day guilt with feeling guilty about missing a day’s wage. My time in the restaurant industry taught me to budget how often I called out sick. “I called out sick 3 months ago, I need to go in today.”

Highly exploitative industries do not generally offer paid time off. If you are sick, you miss out on pay. This forces many to work while sick, endangering their long term health and the health of those around them.

If you work in an similar industry, I encourage you to take good care of yourself. Many individuals who end up working jobs with paid time off have had experience in workplaces like yours, and it is often the root of the heavy guilt they experience.

“I called out sick 3 months ago, I need to go in today.”

If you are a server and you call out sick, managers are very quick to shame you for abandoning your coworkers.* The dread piles on, as you know you will go without pay for that day as well. By the way, restaurants don’t even pay you, customers do.

So, what can you do in this position? In the US, we are known to use the classist phrase “get a real job“ as soon as service industry workers begin making noise. The assertion that one who generates capital is working a “real job“ versus one who “receives“ capital is deeply rooted in classism, sexism and racism.

I mention this because while our culture may not deem your work as “real“ or important, it may have you thinking that you should not exercise your rights. You should.

Learn how to start a union, which starts with talking to your coworkers. Learn the risks.

The more action you take, the more value you recognize in your time and energy.

When you value your energy, you see the importance in taking time off.

Man holding his face with pained expression, eyes wincing. Black background. Sarah Bryski-Hamrick, LPC. Anti-capitalist therapist. Sick day guilt.

The presence of guilt does not mean you have something to feel guilty about.

Your mind and body may perceive the presence of a guilt as proof that there must be something to feel guilty about. This is where self-care comes in. The way that you speak to yourself internally and externally dictates your self-worth and self-esteem.

If you don’t treat your health and rest as priorities, you will not think they are priorities. So of course, calling out sick, taking a mental health day or simply taking time off will result in guilt.

Capitalism convinces us that building our careers is akin to engaging in relationships, community, pleasurable activities, study, spirituality and growth. That the only way to grow, expand and be our best selves is to build our careers. As another great read Radical Friendship aptly tells us, these aspects of life are necessary to reach fulfillment. Careers sustain life so we can seek this fulfillment elsewhere.

Having a career doesn’t make you “good“, or increase your moral value. It can actually make you value yourself less.

Capitalism lies to us, telling racialized and politicized identities that the only way to be rid of oppression and experience liberation is to get a seat at the table. That way, you can be in charge. You decide what’s what, and who’s who.

I say burn that fucking table.

let's chat

Best of luck to you in managing sick day guilt. Remember, your time and energy are not unlimited resources, please do not treat them as such. You are doing the best you can with what you have.

Hey friend,

Thank you for taking the time to read. We work hard to empower readers to take control in a world where we are commodified and managed.

→Email contact@teletherapywithsarah.com with questions/comments/love.

→Interested in therapy for leftists? Click here.

→Our bookstore. With monthly recommendations for internal and external liberation.

→Anti-exploitation private practice building business coach. Click here.

→Liberation life coaching for non-PA & FL residents. Click here.

→Help us get the word out by using our review guide.

→Ready to get started? Book a free consultation now. Click here.

Very best,

—Sarah (she/her)