Time to Make a Change
8 minute read.
A lot has happened since we first wrote about navigating change in Fall 2021, so we decided to revisit the subject. Happy reading!
“Change is hard but necessary.”
Change will always happen, and we may struggle to find meaning in it. Our bodies, environment and nature all go through changes.
Some change is natural, seasonal and cyclical.
Some change is in response to traumas to ourselves and our environment. Climate change caused by harm to the planet is causing us harm. Parts of your relationships, interests and quality of life changing after a personal trauma is adaptive change, put to place to give us space to heal.
“Time to Make a Change”
Change is certainly elusive, we can either choose it or it chooses us. We can decide to make a change, and whether or not we made the “right” choice, a change will happen.
Throughout our lives, we will make hard choices, hopefully with the intention of bettering our lives or the lives of others. But we aren’t always that lucky.
Sometimes we make choices that cause harm. We may live in fear and doubt due to hardships we have experienced, resulting in choices being made with limited insight. Within our individualized culture, we may receive external and internal harsh judgment and low empathy in these moments, even from loved ones.
No matter what we choose, choice is hard.
It’s good practice to not fall into the false binary of “right or wrong” and “good or bad”, especially when it comes to the choices we make. Every day, we are doing the best we can with what we have. It may not always look like it, and it definitely doesn’t always feel like it, but there are real material conditions in our lives that inform our decision making.
Change as a result of these choices can have a full spectrum of consequences, all between “good and bad”.
Something can always be learned.
If a choice we make results in hardship but lessons learned, we have gained. If something tragic happens to us, and we grow skills, we have gained.
This does not mean that trauma and loss are necessary for us to grow and be whole, far from it. It does mean we are equipped to survive much more than we give ourselves credit for.
As I write this, my windows are closed, air conditioners on, and blinds drawn. It's another 90 degree day. By luck, I am an able bodied, healthy person. But the air quality is too poor to be outside for longer than a few minutes. A train derailment happened about 20 miles from me today, and people needed to be evacuated from their homes.
With this mixed drink of micro and macro level events resulting from capitalism, I am forced to make changes. I need to be resourceful, and I need to practice gratitude. I need to move slowly throughout my day, because being in the fourth summer of the “after” time of COVID-19 has given me no other choice.
I have let go of the “others have it harder” because invalidating my pain does not improve another’s situation, and it does not make me less empathetic. I am kinder to myself now. It’s hard to do, because so many of us are taught the opposite.
I am more politically active and am better equipped to help those who have less than me. I have gained the courage to fight for socialism in the capitalist empire of the world. I’m as liberated as I’ve ever been while being a wage slave.
I am not grateful for the 2010’s or the 2020’s, but I am grateful for my response to them.
“Isn't it strange how people can change?”
The fact that this phrase is googled often tells us that as a culture, we struggle with empathy. It’s not our fault though. In order for capitalism to function, destroying everything in its path, it needs to keep us divided. We are not living collectively, but individually.
This leads us to feeling judgment for others more easily. Identifying this tendency to judge negatively within yourself is a great first step. Normalizing the practice of compassion for yourself and others is a good practice. This can result in change feeling more tolerable, and even welcome.
Over your lifetime, you will make small changes many, many times.
Now that we’ve covered the ways in which change shows up in our lives, let’s talk about ways we can navigate change.
The time to heal is now. Pennsylvanians, are you ready?
How to Manage Change
1. Accept that change happens.
Acceptance is not consent. Just because you accept that something has changed for better or worse, it does not mean you are granting any type of permission to forces behind change.
Resisting acceptance in the long term causes you harm.
With acceptance, you are able to begin the healing process, or make necessary adaptive changes. When we are able to release our hold on the past, we are able to be in the moment, even if the present moment is momentarily unbearable.
Notice any internal responses you may have to the idea of acceptance. Many are not given the tools to deal with painful change, causing us to mishandle it, or even deny that change has happened. We are socialized to associate weakness with acceptance and strength with misdirected resistance.
When individuals have their rights stripped and when we experience repression by those in power, we tend to respond with disbelief or denial of the painful truths. The sooner acceptance is practiced, the sooner real resistance can occur.
2. Begin to grieve your loss.
Grief is not linear, and it’s barely measurable. It comes in waves and it stays in our bodies while we continue to move through the world. It surprises us, and we often judge the way it shows up. It exhausts us, we can feel impatient with it. It is a slow, but necessary process.
Companies offer “bereavement time”, heavily suggesting that grief not only “ends”, but that it happens quickly. This simply isn’t true. It’s very sad that we judge ourselves and others on how long a grieving process takes. But because we all internalize capitalism, it’s important to fight these automatic thoughts.
Meet impatience with grief with self-compassion. Try your best to meditate on the feelings you have, experiencing them in the moment, as fully as you can tolerate. Seek help from reliable loved ones, find a therapist who is trauma informed and versed in mindfulness.
Grief is a part of life, and some of us happen to experience it to a higher degree and frequency than others. That doesn’t mean you are doomed to a life of grief, but it does mean that facing it is an act of care.
3. Find the path of least resistance.
Under capitalism, we are trained to believe that striving leads to thriving. We are discouraged from engaging in “unproductive” experiences like grief, rest, moving slowly, taking a day off, talking to our neighbors, watching the clouds move above us, journaling, creative writing, moving our bodies, taking the pebble out of our shoes and literally stopping to smell the roses.
I cannot fully endorse or subscribe to the soft life, but I can appreciate the way in which it challenges the status quo. Choosing to do something that doesn’t cause you pain is such a generous gift. If you are able to live a soft life while remaining engaged with the needs of your community and not falling into individualism, then why not?
Choosing to live in a pleasing way makes you happier, and it’s not just because you are engaging in activities that are pleasurable. It’s because you are allowing yourself to believe that you are worthy of pleasure and joy. We can hold pleasure and joy while also seeking liberation. Liberation leads to pleasure.
Choose to respond to the email later, read the text chain tomorrow, read a book for pleasure, and sit outside and watch those damn clouds.
A Change is Gonna Come
Change will happen, just like it always does. Use the resources you have to navigate the change, and be gentle with yourself on the days when it feels a little harder. And don’t knock down a sister, brother or sibling in need during their own times of change.
You are doing the best you can with what you have, and this culture does not give us much.
I see you, I feel you, I’m with you. Take good care.
Thank you for reading!
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Very Best,
—Sarah (she/her)
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