6 Tips for Remembering Skills Learned in Therapy
4 minute read.
Anyone who has been in therapy has been there: you are in a triggering situation. A situation that you’ve talked about in therapy over and over again. You and your therapist have made a list of effective coping mechanisms to handle said situation. The list immediately leaves your brain, and you respond the way you always have.
As a therapist who has been in therapy for years, I have seen this in all shades. Many folx (whom I identify with strongly) begin session by stating, “It happened again and I forgot everything we’ve talked about.”
Let me say this to you: this is the most human thing you could ever do. Over the years, you have built up a kingdom’s worth of walls and defenses, matched with coping strategies that have gotten you this far. Somewhere along the way, you realized that these defenses were not fully helping, and that the strategies were limiting you. Then you decided to start therapy.
You are struggling to remember what you learned in therapy over the past few months (or years) because your brain spent years, sometimes decades, doing it a different way. It is completely expected for your change to appear slow. But if you are doing the work, this seemingly slow change is sticking.
Below are some effective methods that I have found over the years to help you retain and actually use the skills you learn in your sessions.
1. Journal after therapy sessions.
Journaling is great for organizing your thoughts and feelings, while cementing ideas that you have been working through in your head and/or processing aloud with someone else.
Many therapists will end session by reviewing what was discussed, in an effort to keep the content in your focus afterwards. Feel free to write these points down in your journal. If your therapist does not do this, you can ask them to. You can also write major themes and talking points down as session goes.
2. Practice self-compassion.
Be nice to yourself. Be comforting to yourself. It is no exaggeration that we are often our greatest critic. And no wonder, thanks to social media; movies/TV; an educational system that endorses the oppression of many ethnicities, abilities, socioeconomic statuses; and the undue pressure of “hustle culture,” many of us have internalized these hyper-critical, unreasonably high expectations.
You are allowed to feel disappointed without vilifying yourself for being imperfect. When you are feeling down on yourself, remember that you are human and that you are trying.
3. Visual reminders.
Sticky notes! My favorite visual tool. They can be put anywhere, from your laptop screen, bathroom mirror, on your refrigerator door, etc. They act as small reminders of what you’ve learned, what makes you feel good and how far you’ve come.
Some of my past sticky notes have said, “You are imperfect, and that is beautiful,” “You have come far,“ and of course “You have great hair.“
4. Daily intentions.
Giving yourself regular reminders of your goals can be incredibly beneficial. Every morning, I list at least one intention for the day as soon as I wake up, before checking my phone. Try this:
“Today I will [achievable accomplishment].”
Sometimes I say, “Be kind to myself,” “Work smart,” “Take breaks,” “Be mindful,” setting my mood in a happy, helpful place.
5. Celebrate small victories.
I cannot emphasize this enough. Not only do we feel good when we recognize small achievements, but we gain confidence to keep doing well in the future.
Positive reinforcement helps change happen more quickly and more effectively. If we celebrate our small steps, they will slowly add up to steps that are bigger and more noticeable.
Disappointed in yourself for not keeping the boundaries you’ve set with a pushy friend? Remind yourself that setting boundaries in the first place is both brave and HARD. Congratulate yourself for trying, and try again.
6. Revel in how far you’ve come.
Sometimes it’s good to just take a victory lap. I’ll explain further using the above example of struggling to set boundaries with a friend.
Maybe you used to give in to every need or want this individual demanded of you. You were at their beck and call 24/7, got backlash when you did not respond to texts immediately and were berated for having other friends. Now you have gotten to the point where you can say “No” 1 out of 3 times they demand your attention.
This is a huge victory. Try the glass-half-full approach and give yourself some praise for all those times you have said no thus far. Sure, you are still working. But you have come so far, and it is very, very important to recognize it.
Thank you for reading!
Email contact@teletherapywithsarah.com with questions/comments/concerns.
Pennsylvanians - ready to start therapy? Reach out to contact@teletherapywithsarah.com for a free 15 minute consultation.
Very Best,
—Sarah
*Disclaimer - This piece was written by a straight, cis, able-bodied, white woman. Intersectionality (coined by lawyer, civil rights advocate, scholar and philosopher Kimberlé Crenshaw) tells us that ethnicity, class, sexuality and gender that differ from the above identifiers encounter more hardship and oppression.*
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