Thoughts for the White Ally from a White Ally - Part 2
2 minute read.
White Allies.
From Part 1! — “In the past 8 years, I have been on the bumpy journey of understanding my white identity, making harmful and embarrassing assumptions while exploring and untangling my own learned prejudices. One obvious privilege in this journey is that I always felt safe, my harmful assumptions never put me in danger, but could they have put others in danger? The thoughts below are not meant to talk down to other potential white allies, but to share musings on my own mistakes, in the hopes that we can all do better. I put these words together because I know how the average white lower middle class US citizen thinks. I am confident that there will be more to add to this list, and as conversations among us continue, some of the words below may become outdated. But this is a journey, and every now and then it’s smart to stop and smell the progress.”
Two Thoughts for White Allies.
1. Be Prepared to be Humbled.
You may have opinions and misperceptions about the way the world works because of the privilege that is granted to white skin. If your BIPOC friend/peer has the energy, desire, or sense of safety to correct these misperceptions, you must prepare to be humbled.
In my experience, one of the hardest things for a white American to do is listen and believe. I believe all white allies can speak to our own white fragility getting in the way of being humbled.
Furthermore, your role as a white ally is to offer support, not suggestions. In order for suggestions to be sound, the person giving them must have a contextual frame of reference for being a person of color in America, which white Americans do not have.
Another note It is easy to forget that white Americans living below the poverty line are also treated poorly and oppressed. Unfortunately, US politics and media often pit oppressed groups against each other, creating the “punch down” effect, resulting in phrases like “All Lives Matter” and the fantasy that you can “pull up your bootstraps” and be successful in the US.
2. Seek Support Without Causing Harm.
It can be a painful experience having your eyes opened to the history of violence and oppression in the US (especially if you have inadvertently benefited from it). It may be tempting to seek out support from our BIPOC loved ones/peers, but it is not their job to give you comfort or relief.
I encourage you to know the difference between discussing your reactions to different topics and seeking support or comfort. Note This furthers harmful stereotypes of unwavering black strength. It is on par with a billionaire asking for sympathy over a financial loss from a family living below the poverty line.
Recommended Readings!
Hood Feminism: Notes from the Women that a Movement Forgot - Mikki Kendall - “Today’s feminist movement has a glaring blind spot and, paradoxically, it is women. Mainstream feminists rarely discuss meeting basic needs as a feminist issue, argues Mikki Kendall, but food insecurity, access to quality education, safe neighborhoods, a living wage, and medical care are all feminist issues.”
Between the World and Me -Ta-Nehisi Coates - “In a profound work that pivots from the biggest questions about American history and ideals to the most intimate concerns of a father for his son, Ta-Nehisi coates offers a powerful new framework for understanding our nation’s history and current crisis.”
Colonize This! - Various contributors, edited by Daisy Hernandez and Bushra Rehman - “Newly revised, this landmark anthology offers gripping portraits of American life as seen through the eyes of young women of color.”
There There - Tommy Orange - “Tommy Orange’s wondrous and shattering novel follows twelve characters from Native communities: all traveling to the Big Oakland Powwow, all connected to one another in ways they may not yet realize.”
Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America - Ibram X. Kendi - “The heavily researched yet easily readable volume explores the roots and the effects of racism in America. The narrative smoothly weaves throughout history, culminating in the declaration that as much as we'd like it to be, America today is nowhere near the 'post racial' country that the media declared following the election of Barack Obama in 2008. The hope here is that by studying and remembering the lessons of history, we may be able to move forward to an equitable society.” -- Recommended by my dear friend and colleague Johanna Dwinells, LPC.
