Thoughts for the White Ally from a White Ally - Part 1
3 minute read.
My Allyship Journey.
In the past 8 years, I have been on the bumpy journey of understanding my white identity, making harmful and embarrassing assumptions while exploring and untangling my own learned prejudices. One obvious privilege in this journey is that I always felt safe, my harmful assumptions never put me in danger, but could they have put others in danger?
In the first years of my practice as a therapist, the words “decolonize mental health“ were being used more and more. I have come to understand the power held by clinicians to either disempower or empower our clients.
The thoughts below are not meant to talk down to other potential white allies, but to share musings on my own mistakes, in the hopes that we can all do better. I put these words together because I know how the average white lower middle class US citizen thinks.
I am confident that there will be more to add to this list, and as conversations among us continue, some of the words below may become outdated. But this is a journey, and every now and then it’s smart to stop and smell the progress.
Tips for White Allies.
1. Your Experience is Not the Same.
White skin has a way of opening doors. It has protected the middle class and elites from dangers that are more or less invisible to them. My ability to interact with authority or law enforcement figures without the fear of my safety is vastly different than that of my BI&POC peers.
This goes for interactions with more common, every day figures as well: cashiers, bartenders, desk clerks, salespersons etc. It can be easy to take polite treatment and hospitality for granted as a white individual.
Of course not every interaction a BI&POC individual has in the outside world is threatening or unkind, but the tendency for misunderstandings and intolerance to bubble to the surface is more likely.
2. Allyship Is Your Own Work.
Do your own reading, do your own research. BI&POC individuals in the US are burdened with racial inequality, daily possibility of violence and death, housing and salary inequality, etc.
They are not required to teach white Americans how to treat them, how to think about them and how to support them.
This does not mean you cannot ask questions, questions are great! But make these questions be about information that you have learned in your own research. For example: if you read a statistic about the experience of BIPOC individuals in the US, ask your loved one about their thoughts on this.
It is a kindness to ask permission before bringing such topics up as they may be triggering for our loved ones, OR maybe they just don’t feel like talking about race that day!
Thank you for reading!
—Sarah Bryski-Hamrick, LPC
Online Trauma Therapist in Pennsylvania
Recommended readings:
Hood Feminism: Notes from the Women that a Movement Forgot - Mikki Kendall - “Today’s feminist movement has a glaring blind spot and, paradoxically, it is women. Mainstream feminists rarely discuss meeting basic needs as a feminist issue, argues Mikki Kendall, but food insecurity, access to quality education, safe neighborhoods, a living wage, and medical care are all feminist issues.”
Between the World and Me -Ta-Nehisi Coates - “In a profound work that pivots from the biggest questions about American history and ideals to the most intimate concerns of a father for his son, Ta-Nehisi coates offers a powerful new framework for understanding our nation’s history and current crisis.”
Colonize This! - Various contributors, edited by Daisy Hernandez and Bushra Rehman - “Newly revised, this landmark anthology offers gripping portraits of American life as seen through the eyes of young women of color.”
There There - Tommy Orange - “Tommy Orange’s wondrous and shattering novel follows twelve characters from Native communities: all traveling to the Big Oakland Powwow, all connected to one another in ways they may not yet realize.”
Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America - Ibram X. Kendi - “The heavily researched yet easily readable volume explores the roots and the effects of racism in America. The narrative smoothly weaves throughout history, culminating in the declaration that as much as we'd like it to be, America today is nowhere near the 'post racial' country that the media declared following the election of Barack Obama in 2008. The hope here is that by studying and remembering the lessons of history, we may be able to move forward to an equitable society.” -- Recommended by my dear friend and colleague Johanna Dwinells, LPC.
