How to Be Curious
5 minute read.
Our society is currently dealing with a mental health crisis (not to mention a mental health shortage). We are polarized over not just politics, but human rights, medicine and public health. It is fair to say that we have plenty to be angry about.
While anger is a healthy, normal emotion, unaddressed and unprocessed anger may worsen our mental health. One way to alleviate this anger (or sadness, fear, stress, etc.) is to practice curiosity. Curiosity about others, their decisions and how we all relate to each other keeps us connected and empathetic, leading to better decisions made for the greater good.
Here are some ways to get and stay curious.
Withhold judgment.
Have you ever noticed how quickly you can judge a situation, person or thing? We have inherited our primitive ancestors’ need to scan the environment for threats and to make sound judgments.
Fortunately, we are no longer dodging wild animal predators and living in caves with spiders. But we do still have the tendency to judge (harshly, if I may) things that make us feel threatened and afraid - things that we often know little about. This tendency to judge leads us to make decisions based on little information.
Try this thought experiment next time you feel stressed, angered, or afraid. This experiment is meant to be conducted when you feel safe, not when you are in actual danger:
Something just happened that triggered anger, stress or fear. Instead of responding with intense emotions, ask yourself, “What am I missing here? Is there more information I need? Can I wait to decide how I feel about this?“ Assess the situation without judgment, forcing yourself to respond with less intensity, sparing you the distress of an overreaction.
You may notice that withholding judgment keeps you much more levelheaded and aware of details, helping you stay in control.
Be in the moment.
This one can be hard. We have no shortage of distractions, to-do lists and responsibilities to give us stress and keep our heads out of the present moment.
It’s easy to forget that we are stressed because our culture puts constant pressure on us to “live the dream.“ Sadly this persistent “hustle” keeps us from enjoying what we work so hard towards.
Try this mindfulness exercise next time you are worried about what will happen tomorrow or what happened yesterday:
Name 5 things you see.
Name 4 things you hear.
Name 3 things you can touch.
Name 2 things you can smell.
Name 1 thing you can taste.
Keeping yourself in the moment can be challenging at first, but like most things we do, practice makes it easier. Check out my favorite mindfulness resources below.
Mindful.org, The Wellness Society, Mindfulness for Kids, and just because it’s nice - Self-compassion.
Educate yourself.
There is never harm in learning about something that scares you.
Have you ever verbalized out loud a fact that you have known since childhood only to realize that it is total nonsense? If you are anything like me, you may still hold on to truths that you were told to you by your parents, teachers, and other influential adults in your life.
This is why educating yourself and continuously learning is so important. Our society is regularly updating it’s shared knowledge, and most of the information held on to from the past is full of bias and ignorance, as it was written by those who had the means to write (straight, white, Christian, wealthy, cis gendered men…or some similar variation).
Whether you are arming yourself with knowledge and understanding or dissolving previously held biased beliefs, educating yourself can leave you feeling empowered and relieved.
Recognize implicit bias.
Or unconscious bias…this one is tricky. Implicit biases are insidious for several reasons, mainly because they further oppress groups or individuals.
They are also dangerous because we barely notice them. Depending on your socio-economic status, gender identity, sexuality, ethnicity, color of your skin, religion, ability, experiences and family, you may have LOADS of unconscious bias.
Implicit biases that you hold can keep you from making clear judgments, causing you to make assumptions and misinterpret situations. They can even create danger for those you encounter. It can make you less tolerant of the struggles of others, blinding you to injustice that happens across city limits or in your own backyard.
In reality, your implicit biases are likely not your fault, but it is absolutely your responsibility to unlearn them. This can be done with improved awareness of your thoughts, therapy to address cognitive patterns, and the above steps!
Thank you for reading!
Email contact@teletherapywithsarah.com with questions/comments/concerns.
Pennsylvanians - ready to start therapy? Reach out to contact@teletherapywithsarah.com for a free 15 minute consultation.
Very Best,
—Sarah
*Disclaimer - This piece was written by a straight, cis, able-bodied, white woman. Intersectionality (coined by lawyer, civil rights advocate, scholar and philosopher Kimberlé Crenshaw) tells us that ethnicity, class, sexuality and gender that differ from the above identifiers encounter more hardship and oppression.*
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