Am I Doing Enough?
12 minute read.
Am I Doing Enough?
Why do we often feel like we aren’t enough? Why do we feel like we could do more, despite our physical exhaustion? Why do we view our limitations as weakness and our abilities as sacrifices for the grind?
This post will attempt to answer these questions, at least in part. But a warning, this is not a How-To Guide on being more productive so the boss can notice you, nor is this piece chock full of life hacks to monetize your free time.
As is typical for this blog, this post gives you an opportunity to identify a harmful lens through which you see your own self. An oppressive lens that was thrust upon you at a very early age. Let’s get started.
Why Do I Feel Like I'm Not Enough?
First of all, you are enough. Because you exist, you are enough. In the world we live in, every act of self-care is defiant, and every friendly hand extended to our neighbor, an act of resistance.
We live in a culture that wants us to produce until we die, at which time our children take over. Let that marinate. For our entire childhood and adolescence, all throughout our schooling and the parenting we receive from whomever raises us, we are told that to work is to have value. This is due to capitalism, a word that has made its way into our lexicon, but not all of us are exactly sure what it means.
What is Capitalism?
Capitalism is the current political and economic system that we live under. In capitalism, production is based on profit, not need. For example, car companies produce cars to make a profit, not because more people need cars.
The means of production are owned by the ruling class, not the workers. This means that factory workers do not own the machinery they operate, a few company owners do. Then these same workers must buy back what they build in factories.
Capitalism as it is, has been around for less than 300 years, and it began to develop only 200 years before that.
Capitalism did not develop naturally. It was the ruling class and church of medieval Europe’s response to the rise of worker power, the autonomy of women, and what was thriving communal living post-feudalism.
Capitalism keeps us separated, discouraging us from finding solidarity in our common struggle. Capitalism needs patriarchal violence to thrive. It needs racial violence to exist. It needs to reject LGBTQ identities, as they are a threat to “the family.” The family is a microcosm of control, in which a man works and rules over his wife and children. A woman takes a position of servitude while performing reproductive labor, in order to produce more workers.
Capitalism doesn’t work. Every few years, we suffer economic collapse due to the inherent contradictions within capitalism, and the most vulnerable suffer. And every time, our government, which under capitalism, does not support the people, bails out the capitalists. Then they live to destroy another day.
Capitalism is inhumane. Everyone suffers under it, except the ruling class.
Now, back to our topic…
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Why Do I Feel Like This?
“So, why do I not feel like I’m enough?” I like this question, because it suggests that how we feel may not align with what is true. It acknowledges that there is a huge disconnect between what US work culture tells us and what our bodies tell us.
Take great care in reading this post. You may feel a desire to blame yourself, or a pull to internalize any anger or hurt that comes up. You did not choose to grow up and live under capitalism, but you can choose to reject the untruths that our colonizing, supremacist and patriarchal culture attempts to burden you with.
Why Am I Never Enough?
The point of this post is to sever the connection you have with productivity and self-worth. You did not create the world we are living in, but you are required to live within it, to a point. In order to survive, and have a quality of life outside of work, it is necessary to find self-worth in connection with others and your values.
TWS offers anti-exploitative career coaching, and online therapy to folks in Pennsylvania. If you are ready to get help from a leftist therapist and coach, let’s get started.
How to be Enough.
Know that your “best” changes every day.
Our bodies move through cycles regularly, and so do our moods. External influences including relationships, interacting with harmful systems, sociopolitical injustice, exposure to physical and emotional violence, even weather changes, can affect how we show up each day.
What was easy yesterday may feel impossible today. Comparing your current self to past versions of yourself can be just as harmful as comparing yourself to others.
Get in the habit of checking in with yourself daily. What is your “best“ today? Is it a full work day and errands? Is it a half day with rest? Is it a mental health day?
Change what the word “best“ means for you. Instead of “productive“, why not “what I’m able to do“?
Appreciating what’s around you improves your perspective.
Just because our systems are not meeting our needs, it doesn’t mean our peers, family, and friends working within those systems are not trying their best.
No, you don’t need to be thankful for state violence, exploitative bosses and our for profit healthcare system. But what if those who you see every day are doing their best, just like you? Would it help if you remembered that we are in this together, rather than in competition or trying to undermine each other?
Moving with intentionality through your relationships, you may be able to change your view from “I’m alone“ to “we’re all in this.“ This does not bring about systematic change, but it can result in community organizing, which does.
Protect yourself when you encounter workers who enable state violence and oppression, and seek out community members who want to make a change.
Lowball your to-do list for the day.
Generally, too much is asked of us.
As our social orientation is focused on nuclear families rather than communal families, childcare, house work and other types of reproductive labor are left up to only one or two adults. Even without children, keeping a home in order while working a job, managing an illness/disability, caring for pets, etc. is a lot of work.
Similarly, our jobs are too demanding. Across all fields, companies are choosing to work with a less robust workforce over paying employees a fair wage. Workers are asked to take on duties meant for multiple employees, rather than experiencing the benefit of having their departments being fully staffed.
National unemployment is the lowest it’s been in over 20 years (at the time of this writing), but workers are still fed messages that they are lazy, that “no one wants to work” and that we should be grateful for our employment, no matter how exploitative. This is another way of creating division among us (ex. “Your job is hard because other workers are choosing not to work.“)
With our capitalist economy in its current state, this will only get worse. Businesses will continue to rake in profits, squeezing what they can out of workers.
As individuals, as unions, as coworkers and peers, we must always remember that we determine how much work we are able to do, not our bosses. Not our managers.
All of this being said, it is necessary to be aware of your own capacity to work. Pressure and demands to do more, do not result in you being physically able to do more. I say this gently, understanding that job insecurity is a reality for many workers, especially those who separately need rest and boundaries.
The greatest gift you can give yourself while working for an employer who exploits your labor, is to do the bare minimum.
Notice how that sentence makes you feel. We have all grown up under capitalism, therefore, we have all had our self-worth tied to our productivity. The idea of doing the bare minimum may have a lot of negative connotation.
Is it possible that your “bare minimum” is actually enough? It is a subjective phrase, so it’s likely that your ideas around what the bare minimum is are skewed.
Surround yourself with people who support you.
If you are a creative person with a skill set that lies outside of your profession, you’ve likely been pressured to “monetize” your hobby. We all have that friend, family member or acquaintance who has pressured us to make money off of something we take pleasure in.
We talk about hustle culture a lot. To dissect the phrase a bit, it co-opts the word hustle, which was primarily used by members of the black community in the 1970’s who needed to have “a hustle” on the side to make ends meet. This was (and still is) due to racism across the workforce, fields refusing to hire black people, or opting to pay them less than their white peers. (Another method of division.)
As the cost of living skyrockets, student debt repayments loom, wages stagnate, and unemployment is the lowest it’s been since the early 2000’s, workers across identities are feeling the pressure to hustle more than ever.
Pay inequality across race, gender and other identity markers remains high. This is especially apparent when we compare care work jobs (nurses, teachers) to jobs with “economic” proximity (finance).
Because of this, it is best to surround yourself with people who support you, and support the way you spend your time. Many of us grew up in households where downtime and rest were seen as unproductive, lazy, unimportant and borderline disrespectful. (A reminder that older generations experience internalized capitalism in different ways.)
Having loved ones that support you in your hobbies and encourage you to rest will help you heal from this harmful mindset.
Rest is important. Joy is important. Seeking contentedness outside of financial gain is important. Surround yourself with people who agree with this.
Your restlessness does not necessarily indicate energy.
Despite our need to unwind, long days and stressful situations can leave us feeling restless. Our naturally released chemicals associated with stress affect both our brains and our bodies.
Adrenaline increases your heart rate, elevates your blood pressure and boosts energy supplies. Cortisol, the primary stress hormone, increases sugars (glucose) in the bloodstream, enhances your brain's use of glucose and increases the availability of substances that repair tissues.
We already know that long-term, repeated releasing of these chemicals negatively impacts the body.
What happens mentally is similar. When we are unable to relax, our minds may misinterpret this as energy, forcing you to come to the conclusion that you can “still get some work done.” What a painful, unfortunate cycle this is.
Under capitalism, production is based on profit, not need. This means that if there is ever a profit to be made, we will be fed the message that we should produce more. This leads to overproduction, inflation and eventually economic crisis. Every time.
It also leads to the people working under capitalism, workers like you and me, being told that work is never done. We are made to feel that we have never done enough.
This message is wrong, and it’s harmful. This message kills. The kindest thing you can do for yourself is learn how to reject this message. It does take time, but it is possible.
In closing.
To have the quality of life you want, untangling how capitalism makes you think and feel about yourself is needed. You are enough, and you do enough.
Ready to get started?
Thank you for reading!
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Very Best,
—Sarah (she/her)
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