3 minute read.

How to cope with change.

Change can be hard. Change may be necessary. It can bring about discomfort, pain and sorrow due to loss or heart break. It can knock us off balance, to the point where we feel debilitating weight and oppression. 

Change can also bring about new possibilities, accessibility, and amplification of voices that haven’t previously been heard. It can bring new opportunities, new ideas, freedom from hatred and deeper human bonds than we have ever experienced. 

Regardless of it’s catalyst, change is constant and inevitable. Below are some ways to handle change more mindfully.

Manage expectations.

When you encounter possible change, practice curiosity. Start by asking yourself: what do I expect will come of this change? When you find an answer, ask a follow up question: is this likely to happen?

Take a moment and think about your answers to these questions. What are the emotional themes you notice? Fear? Excitement? Anger?

If you are anything like me (anxious, sensitive), your overactive imagination may conjure up terrifying possibilities and worst case scenarios. I happily offer you this valuable piece of information: if you think something bad will happen, you will feel like something bad will happen.

Approaching a situation with minimal judgment and curiosity can keep you from jumping to conclusions, resulting in skewed expectations. Resisting judgment in the moment can be difficult, but with practice it is very rewarding.

Next time you feel yourself having an emotional reaction to change, ask yourself these questions:

What am I feeling?

What reason do I have for feeling this way?

What memories are coming up for me?

Am I able to step away from this expectation for now?

Acknowledge/honor what you loved.

There is something to be said for expressing gratitude for things you lose in the process of change. A person, an experience, a situation - all things that we can lose touch with after change occurs. 

Commemorate what you’ve loved with photos and other tangible reminders. Reflect on it in meditation or prayer. Honor it in your thoughts and the lessons you’ve learned. Do all of this while trying your best to live in the moment, resisting any desire to live in the past and as a result, missing the present.

Of course, this does not extend to lamenting oppressive laws or beliefs that you may have benefited from. If your issue with change is that equality feels oppressive, then I strongly urge you to talk to a therapist and make the hard but doable changes that will lead to an improved quality of life and connectedness with others.

Explore possible fear of new things.

Now more than ever, we are bearing witness to the harmful outcome stemming from fear of the unknown or misunderstood. Two prominent examples include the intolerance of gender expression that does not fit the cis binary and children having discussions about race and oppression in classrooms being deemed dangerous. 

Fear is painful - it is also a human emotion that is perfectly normal. It is ok to experience fear. Thankfully, we have agency over how we respond to situations, people, beliefs, etc. that make us afraid. 

We can have curiosity, asking questions and learning about what we are fearful of. Then we are able to make a decision, or pass our judgment, determining how we feel about the change. Thankfully, when we are armed with accurate information from the source of what we don’t understand, we are typically more open and empathetic in how we feel towards it.

Again, it is normal and ok to fear change. Grief over loss of comfort and predictability is normal and ok. However, lamenting on the past or making excuses about why things were “better before” only holds you back. This line of thinking often coincides with discomfort in growing equality, which is unkind at best and oppressive at its worst.

Surround yourself with regularity.

Routine, routine, routine. I’ve talked before about the benefits of predictability. A chaotic outside world can be better managed when we have control over our routine. 

This is especially true during times of change. From starting a new job, to losing your home, to being unexpectedly single, to your favorite coffee shop closing, normalcy and predictability can give us comfort when needed.

It can be easy to take regularity for granted (ie, daily commute, shower routine, checking emails) but we become acutely aware of how much we depend on it when it’s take away from us, albeit temporarily (ie, car accident on our route home, losing hot water, internet disconnecting). 

I encourage you to pay attention to your routines over the coming days. Notice where routine is present, and how you feel mentally and physically during those times. Good luck!

*Disclaimer - This piece was written by a straight, cis, able-bodied, white woman. Intersectionality (coined by lawyer, civil rights advocate, scholar and philosopher Kimberlé Crenshaw) tells us that ethnicity, class, sexuality and gender that differ from the above identifiers encounter more hardship and oppression.*

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